No one has ever told me that I’m ‘fat’, at least not to my face but that’s my opinion of myself. I’ve had years of failed diets and self loathing and that’s just how I see myself. I want to be able to look in the mirror and not hate what I see staring back at me. I’ve actually started doing something about this, which I hope, this time, is going to stick. Since I moved into my house and started living on my own, I have a lot more free time. Not spending 2+ hours every day in rush hour traffic means that I have more time to be productive and try to become a better person. I joined a gym in March, something I’d always said “I’ll join NEXT month”, I actually did. I took the plunge and if I’m honest, it’s nowhere near as hard as I ever thought it would be.
I’ve wanted to lose weight for a very long time. I managed to lose nearly 3 stone while I was in my final year of uni (I have no idea how, I’m 100% a stress-eater and this was the most stressful year of my life) but it slowly crept back on in full force and that needs to change.
My motivation this time? One of my best friends is getting married next year and I was lucky enough to be asked to be a bridesmaid. We tried our dresses on on Tuesday (yep, she’s suuuuper organised and has it all sorted nearly a YEAR in advance), I went for the smaller of my 12-14 size ‘bracket’ and it fit. The zip fastened and I honestly couldn’t have been more relieved. As soon as I found out she’d ordered them, I cut the crap out of my diet – no more Chilli Heatwave Doritos *sobs*, no more chocolate and a few intense sessions at the gym. I actually think it worked, that last little push worked and it’s really inspired me to keep going.
I’m one of those people that if anyone tries to tell me to do something, I’m more adamant that I want to do the opposite. I need to want to do things for myself, it’s the only way I’ll actually stick at something. I want that dress to fit me like it fit the other bridesmaids, not too tight, hanging nicely and for me to feel confident stood next to them all. There’s also the added pressure of being in the wedding photographs, photographs that will be looked at for years and I don’t want to be the ‘lardy’ one on the end. I’ve never really had any self confidence, but that’s something I think can grow and develop in time and hopefully, hopefully I’ll get there.
So this is me, writing it down, for all of the internet to see. No going back and hopefully a few people who can spur me on along the way. I’m not of those people who’s gunna show ‘before’ and ‘after’ photos of weightloss or fitness, it’s not who I am, but hopefully you’ll see me looking a lot more confident sometime soon.
Is anyone else on this journey, does anyone need a ‘self confidence journey’ buddy?
